Good Grief

It has been 9 days since my very good friend left this world.  She was like a sister to me.  As much as I love my blood sisters, she was even more of a sister because I chose her.  I don't know why God took her at such a young age.  I only know that she is gone from this earth and is truly in a much better place - of that I have no doubt.
My friend was a very strong woman.  She suffered a lot in her few years.  It seems unfair in many ways that her time here had to be so marred with pain.  On the other hand, she can now see the whole picture, of which we can't see more than the tiniest pixel.  She is looking at Jesus face to face.  For this I should rejoice.  She will never again know pain.  Every question that we have ever had - she has the answer now.  Considering the joy set before her, I wonder if her new knowledge even matters.  I mean, who cares if Adam had a belly button when you are walking the golden streets with the Big Guy!
I learned something about my participation and vocalization in the size acceptance movement while I was at her funeral luncheon.  This is the part that we leave out so much when we talk about loving our bodies and ourselves regardless of size.  We focus so much on the politics of size and instersectionality, and we forget this very very important aspect:  we are as God made us.  He does not make mistakes.  He knows what He is going to do with us - and He has big plans for us.
You are probably saying to yourself "Fat Aspie, you have gone off the deep end.  God does not have some grand plan for fat people."  Maybe not fat people specifically.  But all people, yes.  God loves each and every one of us - even the people who don't believe in Him, or don't believe in organized religion, or don't have perfect behavior.  He loves ALL of us.
I have read in other blogs things that made me so sad; that people claiming the name of Christ would use His name to tear down others for their size.  If you loved Jesus, you wouldn't be fat.  Gluttony is a sin.  And if it were as simple as gluttony causing fatness, and not being gluttonous causing weight loss, I might could maybe think about buying that argument.  But guess what?  The two don't always go together.
My friend had a ministry in which she made sure that young people knew their place in the Kingdom.  She made sure that they knew that as children of The King (no, not Elvis) they are princes and princesses.  She did not want these teens to lose sight of their worth as they matured in this world that often tells us we are worthless.  Someone at her luncheon pointed out to me that what I do can also be a ministry.  (Thank you, R.E.)
Someone needs to be a voice to counteract the people that tell us fatties that we are sinful for being fat.  Someone needs to stand up and shout "GOD LOVES ALL HIS CHILDREN".  Someone needs to gently whisper that loving your body enough to take care of it by eating healthy foods and moving with joy as you are able is an act of worship.
Using what God gave you to serve Him - lifting your hands in praise, shouting joyfully, walking through His nature, enjoying the food he has provided you - these are acts of worship.  Cooking for your friends and family, thanking Him for your strong, healthy, ample body - also worship.  God loves us, and he loves it when we focus on Him.
I made a little song from a children's song....

Jesus loves the fatty children

All the fatty children of the world

With our rolls and cellulite

We are precious in his sight

Jesus loves the fatty children of the world

No matter what your religious beliefs are, I hope you take some time to realize that you are a precious, beautiful, worthwhile creation.  The feats accomplished by our bodies on a daily basis are little miracles.  (Big miracles if you think about all the things that have to work together just for something as simple as processing our food).  Even if you do not believe you are created, know that you are wonderful.  You don't have to wait until you are x pounds lighter to be wonderful or to be loved, because you already are.
I love this song by Superchic(k) and I hope you will like it too!  If every girl could see her beauty we could be an army....(sorry about the advert at the beginning of the video, but I wanted to make sure the link would always be good, so I used the official one from the record label)

Sister Wives: An open letter to Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn

Dear Ladies;

Let me start off by telling you I think you are fabulous.  I may not agree with you theologically, but you have the courage to openly live your religion.  Good for you.  But that's not why I am writing this letter.

In the last few episodes of this season of your show, there was a little bit of an emphasis on your bodies.  It made me sad that such beautiful women could feel so badly about the way that they look.  There is nothing wrong with going to the gym, if that's the exercise that feels good for you.  But the hatred, oh it breaks my heart. You are beautiful women with a husband who loves each of you for you!  That's rare these days.

Christine, you mentioned feeling like it was somehow wrong of you to own a gym as a plus sized lady.  You know what?  The world needs more gyms owned and operated by people like you!  How many people stay home from the gym because they don't look like the people in the Bally's commercials, or stop going when they realize that their efforts are not going to make them look like those people?  Your family provides an example of what exercise can truly do for us!  We can feel good because we are moving and keeping our bodies strong.  We can have a sense of accomplishment when we do something that we didn't think we could do, or that the world tells us we are too fat to do.  This makes you and your family such a blessing to the Vegas area.  Remember that!

I would love to see a day when it's no longer brave that you let the whole world (or the TLC viewing audience, anyway) know your weights; a world where it doesn't matter!  I hope that you all learn to see your beauty!

On a side note to Robyn; Your older son is a treasure.  It's going to be rough for him in his new family, as I am sure you may have experienced off camera.  Give him the time he may need alone.  He might need space to recharge, and solitude to concentrate on things like his homework.  A kid without Asperger's would have a hard time going from one of a three kids to one of seventeen.  It's a special challenge for him.  I see you guys giving him (and all the kids) love and support.  Keep it up - he will need to know it's there when he is old enough to move out into the world outside his family (ie college, work etc)

With Sincere Admiration,
The Fat Aspie.

Steaming steamy stinking stinky

Wow.  I'm at a loss for words at the moment.  Angry, indignant, perturbed....these words don't even come close.  Insulted.  That's another good word. 

My employer, in combination with my health insurer and Web MD have come up with this "wellness program" wherein points are assigned for certain activities.  Get enough points, and you save money on your insurance, which equals bigger paychecks.  One of the required activities is to take a health assessment they call a "health quotient".  It asks about your height and weight, your last check up, whether you know your cholesterol, and if you go to the dentist regularly.  They say it's voluntary, so I have no one to blame but myself..... 

This morning I got a call from some poor call center employee with my health insurer.  His job was to get me to sign up for their weight loss phone support.  It's FREE!  My employer pays for it!  WOO HOO!  So why was I not ecstatic and sobbing with relief that they were here to rescue me from my fatness? 

Could it be that weight is not an indicator of health?  Could it be that I found it insulting that they picked an aribtrary cutoff for what makes a person at risk?  Could it be knowing that the skinny person beside me who eats junk all_day is not getting the same call but is at greater risk than me?  Let's quit looking at body size and start looking at behaviors, people!


Living ~400 lbs had an awesome post today about how government programs aren't helping with obesity.  My work program is an awful lot like the government programs, in my eyes.  Please go read Living's post, because my description is inadequate.

In Which We Are Introduced and I Talk About Fat

I stumbled into Fat Acceptance around the same time that I was diagnosed as having Asperger's.  The two don't go hand in hand, but they do serve as the filter through which I view the world at the moment.  Asperger's does not define me, but it sure does explain me.  My fat does not define me either, but it is the first thing you see when we meet.

There are so many people who have written much more eloquently than I about both subjects, so the logical question from you (if *you* exist, dear reader) is what am I doing writing?  The thoughts in my head need to get put down somewhere.  I highly doubt at the moment that anyone will read this, so I have the benefit of a journal with the fantasy/illusion of being a writer.

I have been fat my whole life.  I don't remember a time when I was not fat.  I have gone through stages with my fat - hatred, ambivalence, dislike, and now, slowly, acceptance.  The things written by others in the fat world have helped me on that journey towards acceptance.  To those writers, I am grateful.

To define fat acceptance from my point of view - it is not giving up on my body or my health.  Health and fat are not mutually exclusive - as best written here (I hope it's OK that I linked to you, Ms. Harding - you're wonderful!).  To say I accept my fat and my body does not mean I am giving up on either.  Fat acceptance does not mean sitting around on the couch a la Goldie Hawn in Death Becomes Her - although if you do, that's OK too.

Fat Acceptance to me means eating healthy TASTY food until I am satisfied, and moving my body because it feels good to do so.  I refuse to starve myself to meet someone else's ideal.  And God didn't intend for exercise to be a chore.  So when it becomes "working out" - I'll take a break.

What I've said today is nothing new, but let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.