Thursday, March 22, 2012

A Month is a Long Time

I miss my friend.  I miss her so much.  I can't even imagine what it is like for her family, and I feel so selfish for my own grief, when I should be there for them.  I try to be, anyhow.

I have some stuff going on now in my life that I really really wish she was here to discuss with me.  Her guidance would be so helpful right now.  She had the best insight sometimes.  And she could tell me if what I was doing was wrong and if I should stop.

How long will I feel like this?

Happier post next time, I promise.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Let's Repeal Daylight Savings Time

I don't have anything too important to say today.  (Do I ever? - no, don't answer that!)  My butt was kicked by losing that hour of sleep last night.  Does that happen to you, too?

Of course, in October, I just love it!  Or is it November now?  Either way, it's my favorite day of the whole year!

On a more serious/relevant note, I am learning a lot from my association with the online fat community.  Thank you to each and every one of you who contribute there, be it in your own blogs, someone else's blog comments, or in various Facebook groups.  You are helping me grow, so I am sure you are helping others too!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Inherited Fatness

I am the sixth generation of fatty in my family.  And yet people are still surprised that we are all fat.  It doesn't seem to matter how much I exercise, or how healthily I eat; I must be lying about it, or else I wouldn't be so fat, right?
I had a long conversation with a family member today about this.  The Asperger's runs in the family on that side, the fat on the other side.  This family member was resistant to the idea of Asperger's at first, until someone suggested my nephew may have it too.  You see, this family member is the other Aspie in the family.  *grin*  She's starting to see that it doesn't make you a weirdo, and it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.  But it still seems like she thinks there is something fundamentally broken in the fat members of the family.
I got a little excited/cranky on the phone tonight.  I generally don't medicate on Saturdays because I don't leave my house, and I am running low on meds and don't have the money to refill.  Which means what would have been a calm conversation yesterday ended up with me being more defensive than normal today.
Don't worry, I did apologize.  I'm not a bad person, just an emotional one.  When I was calmer, I did get her to see that since I have discovered HAES, my weight has stabilized.  It has gone down a little, but I am just happy to be stable.  I don't think there is anything wrong with being larger than I am - I just can't afford to buy new clothes again, and I am getting close to the point where I wouldn't be able to get them from the store anymore.
I digress.  I think I got somewhere tonight.  She wanted someone else in the family to diet.  I said I didn't think that was the best thing for the other person.  She's looking for the copy of Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon that I bought them last year now.  I hope she finds it.  I would like to see the other person in my family happier and not feeling bad about his size.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Good Grief

It has been 9 days since my very good friend left this world.  She was like a sister to me.  As much as I love my blood sisters, she was even more of a sister because I chose her.  I don't know why God took her at such a young age.  I only know that she is gone from this earth and is truly in a much better place - of that I have no doubt.
My friend was a very strong woman.  She suffered a lot in her few years.  It seems unfair in many ways that her time here had to be so marred with pain.  On the other hand, she can now see the whole picture, of which we can't see more than the tiniest pixel.  She is looking at Jesus face to face.  For this I should rejoice.  She will never again know pain.  Every question that we have ever had - she has the answer now.  Considering the joy set before her, I wonder if her new knowledge even matters.  I mean, who cares if Adam had a belly button when you are walking the golden streets with the Big Guy!
I learned something about my participation and vocalization in the size acceptance movement while I was at her funeral luncheon.  This is the part that we leave out so much when we talk about loving our bodies and ourselves regardless of size.  We focus so much on the politics of size and instersectionality, and we forget this very very important aspect:  we are as God made us.  He does not make mistakes.  He knows what He is going to do with us - and He has big plans for us.
You are probably saying to yourself "Fat Aspie, you have gone off the deep end.  God does not have some grand plan for fat people."  Maybe not fat people specifically.  But all people, yes.  God loves each and every one of us - even the people who don't believe in Him, or don't believe in organized religion, or don't have perfect behavior.  He loves ALL of us.
I have read in other blogs things that made me so sad; that people claiming the name of Christ would use His name to tear down others for their size.  If you loved Jesus, you wouldn't be fat.  Gluttony is a sin.  And if it were as simple as gluttony causing fatness, and not being gluttonous causing weight loss, I might could maybe think about buying that argument.  But guess what?  The two don't always go together.
My friend had a ministry in which she made sure that young people knew their place in the Kingdom.  She made sure that they knew that as children of The King (no, not Elvis) they are princes and princesses.  She did not want these teens to lose sight of their worth as they matured in this world that often tells us we are worthless.  Someone at her luncheon pointed out to me that what I do can also be a ministry.  (Thank you, R.E.)
Someone needs to be a voice to counteract the people that tell us fatties that we are sinful for being fat.  Someone needs to stand up and shout "GOD LOVES ALL HIS CHILDREN".  Someone needs to gently whisper that loving your body enough to take care of it by eating healthy foods and moving with joy as you are able is an act of worship.
Using what God gave you to serve Him - lifting your hands in praise, shouting joyfully, walking through His nature, enjoying the food he has provided you - these are acts of worship.  Cooking for your friends and family, thanking Him for your strong, healthy, ample body - also worship.  God loves us, and he loves it when we focus on Him.
I made a little song from a children's song....

Jesus loves the fatty children
All the fatty children of the world
With our rolls and cellulite
We are precious in his sight
Jesus loves the fatty children of the world

No matter what your religious beliefs are, I hope you take some time to realize that you are a precious, beautiful, worthwhile creation.  The feats accomplished by our bodies on a daily basis are little miracles.  (Big miracles if you think about all the things that have to work together just for something as simple as processing our food).  Even if you do not believe you are created, know that you are wonderful.  You don't have to wait until you are x pounds lighter to be wonderful or to be loved, because you already are.
I love this song by Superchic(k) and I hope you will like it too!  If every girl could see her beauty we could be an army....(sorry about the advert at the beginning of the video, but I wanted to make sure the link would always be good, so I used the official one from the record label)