Monday, January 14, 2013
I owe you all an apology. I do, after all, possess a degree in English, albeit literature and not writing. I have been reading my old entries, and have discovered that I use the word "exhausted" far too frequently. I am exhausted. This, that, or the other is exhausting. I get tired just reading the blog. For this, I sincerely apologize. The only thing that should have exhaust is my car.
On the plus side, I think I have gotten to the bottom of my tiredness. Aside from how taxing it is to try to blend in, I am probably a little anemic. I will be talking to my doctor at the end of the month about it. I have been on acid blockers for the past year and a half in an effort to stop wanting to vomit all the time. (tiredness and nausea: not always caused by pregnancy. Who knew?) My last scope indicated more inflammation rather than less, so we're changing what I can eat in a drastic way. This makes my diet pretty boring, even for an Aspie. To shorten the story up a little, what it comes down to is that long term use of acid blockers can cause malabsorption of vitamin B-12, which can lead to anemia, which causes tiredness.
I'm combating that with supplemental B-12 and iron. To deal with trying to blend in wearing me out, I've ceased trying to blend in. Like me or lump me, I'm me. Mostly people let me be now, so it is working out so far.
The other egregious error I noticed in my reading is that one day I posted that things are getting better all the time. This was mostly a play on the Beatles song, but also a reflection that things were getting better at that time. However, the very next post was about how things don't ever get better if you have Asperger's. Class, can we say contradiction?
I also didn't mean for it to be so very negative sounding. I just meant that currently society isn't at a place where it is ready to accept spectrumites as they are, although we are rather vocal online about it. I wouldn't change my diagnosis for anything. While there are certainly difficulties, I think being an Aspie gives me a unique perspective on the world that neuro-typicals do not have. I would just like to see us get to the place where what the wider world knows about autism and Asperger's is more than feeling we are something that needs to be cured.
I didn't really make any New Year's resolutions. I think they are dumb. However, I am going to work on the quality of my writing. I hope you'll stick with me as I try to grow. Thanks for hanging with me this far!