Sister Wives: An open letter to Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn

Dear Ladies;

Let me start off by telling you I think you are fabulous.  I may not agree with you theologically, but you have the courage to openly live your religion.  Good for you.  But that's not why I am writing this letter.

In the last few episodes of this season of your show, there was a little bit of an emphasis on your bodies.  It made me sad that such beautiful women could feel so badly about the way that they look.  There is nothing wrong with going to the gym, if that's the exercise that feels good for you.  But the hatred, oh it breaks my heart. You are beautiful women with a husband who loves each of you for you!  That's rare these days.

Christine, you mentioned feeling like it was somehow wrong of you to own a gym as a plus sized lady.  You know what?  The world needs more gyms owned and operated by people like you!  How many people stay home from the gym because they don't look like the people in the Bally's commercials, or stop going when they realize that their efforts are not going to make them look like those people?  Your family provides an example of what exercise can truly do for us!  We can feel good because we are moving and keeping our bodies strong.  We can have a sense of accomplishment when we do something that we didn't think we could do, or that the world tells us we are too fat to do.  This makes you and your family such a blessing to the Vegas area.  Remember that!

I would love to see a day when it's no longer brave that you let the whole world (or the TLC viewing audience, anyway) know your weights; a world where it doesn't matter!  I hope that you all learn to see your beauty!

On a side note to Robyn; Your older son is a treasure.  It's going to be rough for him in his new family, as I am sure you may have experienced off camera.  Give him the time he may need alone.  He might need space to recharge, and solitude to concentrate on things like his homework.  A kid without Asperger's would have a hard time going from one of a three kids to one of seventeen.  It's a special challenge for him.  I see you guys giving him (and all the kids) love and support.  Keep it up - he will need to know it's there when he is old enough to move out into the world outside his family (ie college, work etc)

With Sincere Admiration,
The Fat Aspie.

In Which We Are Introduced and I Talk About Fat

I stumbled into Fat Acceptance around the same time that I was diagnosed as having Asperger's.  The two don't go hand in hand, but they do serve as the filter through which I view the world at the moment.  Asperger's does not define me, but it sure does explain me.  My fat does not define me either, but it is the first thing you see when we meet.

There are so many people who have written much more eloquently than I about both subjects, so the logical question from you (if *you* exist, dear reader) is what am I doing writing?  The thoughts in my head need to get put down somewhere.  I highly doubt at the moment that anyone will read this, so I have the benefit of a journal with the fantasy/illusion of being a writer.

I have been fat my whole life.  I don't remember a time when I was not fat.  I have gone through stages with my fat - hatred, ambivalence, dislike, and now, slowly, acceptance.  The things written by others in the fat world have helped me on that journey towards acceptance.  To those writers, I am grateful.

To define fat acceptance from my point of view - it is not giving up on my body or my health.  Health and fat are not mutually exclusive - as best written here (I hope it's OK that I linked to you, Ms. Harding - you're wonderful!).  To say I accept my fat and my body does not mean I am giving up on either.  Fat acceptance does not mean sitting around on the couch a la Goldie Hawn in Death Becomes Her - although if you do, that's OK too.

Fat Acceptance to me means eating healthy TASTY food until I am satisfied, and moving my body because it feels good to do so.  I refuse to starve myself to meet someone else's ideal.  And God didn't intend for exercise to be a chore.  So when it becomes "working out" - I'll take a break.

What I've said today is nothing new, but let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.